A story from Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Shelter

My windows are boarded, my doors locked. Sheltered in darkness from your love. Better to be hidden than looking over my shoulder.

17 Critiques to "Shelter"

  1. The following was written by CJ at Food Stories on June 20, 2012

    Wow … Very good :-)

    • The following was written by Janet on June 20, 2012

      Thanks CJ.

  2. The following was written by Steph on June 20, 2012

    It’s amazing how much can be said in only a few words. Great job.

  3. The following was written by Janet on June 20, 2012

    Thanks for your comment Steph, I’m glad you came by.

  4. The following was written by Mari Collier on June 20, 2012

    I’m envious. As my husband once said, “Mari, you can’t write anything in 25 words.” You do it in 22.

    • The following was written by Janet on June 21, 2012

      Thanks Mari. This was certainly a challenge.

  5. The following was written by Gayle Beveridge on June 20, 2012

    A great example of show not tell, we can almost feel her fear.

    • The following was written by Janet on June 20, 2012

      Thanks Gayle. With such brevity, every word counts. I’m glad you liked it.

  6. The following was written by Rob Brunet (@RRBrunet) on June 21, 2012

    Powerful piece. Paints the whole picture in one pass.

    • The following was written by Janet on June 25, 2012

      Glad you thought so. Thanks for coming by.

  7. The following was written by Banoo Zan on June 21, 2012

    This piece is appealing for its universal theme: the fear of unreserved surrender of one’s identity to love, and the obsession with love resulting from deliberate self-deprivation. Janet’s style glorifies `romance` without being overtly romantic.

    • The following was written by Janet on June 25, 2012

      You have articulted so beautifully, all what i was trying to achieve. Thank you so much.

  8. The following was written by cayman thorn on June 22, 2012

    There’s flash fiction, and then there is THIS. Micro-mini fiction. And wow if you didn’t nail it.

    • The following was written by Janet on June 25, 2012

      Thank you cayman. It’s not easy to achieve but I love a good challenge. I’m glad it worked.

  9. The following was written by Alexandra Sonson on June 23, 2012

    It’s short but with of different meaning.

    Thanks for sharing

    • The following was written by Janet on June 25, 2012

      Thanks for coming by Alexandra. I do like to layer my work with meaning. Glad you found it to be so.

  10. The following was written by John Warren on June 25, 2012

    It could be claustrophobic but you transcend it by accepting its “shelter” as your comfort and not “love”. One of the things that stand out in a short work as this is the strength of the consonants and their soothing flow, but I find it disturbed by the syllables out-of-balance in “looking over my shoulder.” I’m inclined to think it is intentional, it most certainly sets up a fierce tension. As always, you are the ‘grey queen’.