I was going at least 90 over the state line, but the officer cut me a break. He must like me. Court date: Feb 14th. Maybe I’ll wear a red jumpsuit.

After 10 years, she expected nothing from him. When a bouquet arrived for her, she beamed. She went home and kissed him. He had no idea why.

She’d given him a kidney years ago. Now she needed a heart. He called 911, told them everything they needed to know, & pulled the trigger.

The UPS kiosk asked if she wanted one-day delivery. You know, she thought, he did want to see the country. She smiled. Free shipping it was.

He gave her red roses on their first date and sixty years later he lays roses at her grave. The flowers wilt, as does he without her.

If our parents hadn’t made us too middle class to fight, scratch, blackmail, we could sort this out on daytime TV. Instead, I’ve made her cry.