A story from Thursday, July 22, 2010

You Don’t Know Me

30 years ago you threw me down the stairs after the last beating. Still you find my phone number. Leave a message for who you think I am.

3 Critiques to "You Don’t Know Me"

  1. The following was written by cassie on July 22, 2010

    wow, powerful. the other stories i’ve read here have made me laugh, but this one has given me pause.

  2. The following was written by Stephen V. Ramey on July 22, 2010

    Really nice. I would change “find my phone number. Leave…” to “find my phone number, leave” That links the two ideas more firmly. As it stands, it could be read as starting a new thought, as in “Leave a message at the beep.”

  3. The following was written by dana on July 22, 2010

    Yes, I agree: powerful. Have been enjoying each day’s story. Love that I have enough time to read a short story a day this way.

    I like the way it’s punctuated. I hear the pause between the periods as the angry in-breaths of the narrator. Rather than being less firmly linked, I think the periods add to the cadence and tone of the piece.

    Hmm, what does it mean when your comments run twice as long as the story? Maybe that this is a great idea and a fabulous site. Thanks for publishing this to the web!