I called it a souvenir, because a “bruise” was something that hurt. This didn’t. As it faded to green, I counted the days until he’d return.
Nicely done. Another angle might have been to eliminate the “I called it a..”. Just assert it:
“It was a souvenir, because a bruise is something that hurts. As it faded to green, I counted the days until he returned.”
This tiny story relates a much larger tale. It packs the emotional punch that a good writer strives for. I agree with Michael’s comment about eliminating “I called it a..”.
very simple, but I felt the emotions of the story. good job!
Wow, this story really has such a large impact for so few words. Nicely done.
This definitely tugged at my emotions with such few words. It makes me wish there was an entire novel to go along with it. Very nicely done.
I wish i could handle where this story would go, I would be intrigued to find out more!
This could be taken two ways….