A story from Friday, March 11, 2011

Semantics

I called it a souvenir, because a “bruise” was something that hurt. This didn’t. As it faded to green, I counted the days until he’d return.

7 Critiques to "Semantics"

  1. The following was written by michael k. gause on March 11, 2011

    Nicely done. Another angle might have been to eliminate the “I called it a..”. Just assert it:

    “It was a souvenir, because a bruise is something that hurts. As it faded to green, I counted the days until he returned.”

    Good job.

  2. The following was written by Gayle Beveridge on March 11, 2011

    This tiny story relates a much larger tale. It packs the emotional punch that a good writer strives for. I agree with Michael’s comment about eliminating “I called it a..”.

    • The following was written by Erroll James on March 12, 2011

      very simple, but I felt the emotions of the story. good job!

  3. The following was written by Kourtney Auger on March 16, 2011

    Wow, this story really has such a large impact for so few words. Nicely done.

  4. The following was written by Lindsay Rizzo on March 21, 2011

    This definitely tugged at my emotions with such few words. It makes me wish there was an entire novel to go along with it. Very nicely done.

  5. The following was written by Robert B on March 21, 2011

    I wish i could handle where this story would go, I would be intrigued to find out more!

  6. The following was written by Ashley Levasseur on March 22, 2011

    This could be taken two ways….