He kept his cool until the barista said, “Just the one? Where’s your wife, today?” Then the reality crashed in and he broke down in sobs.
A wonderful example of show and not tell. A clever way to show his wife was gone while leaving some intrigue – has she left him or has she died?
I thought this could have benefited from less-cliche use of language. At the moment, the fact that “reality crashed” and he “broke down in sobs” are not helping make the emotions come alive. I think more original expressions would help me identify more with the character, and yes, his loss of